Wow- another big milestone...250 blog posts! 15,581 views! When I first started writing this blog I mostly did it to keep family and friends updated on the pregnancy. I had no idea how writing would actually help me too. I have poured a lot of heart and soul into every post. I've used it to vent, to talk about sadness, to celebrate victories, to discuss worries and fears, to brag about my babies, and so much more! So I thought for this 250th post, I would reflect on the past few years and write a letter to the 28 year old gal who's 6 weeks pregnant and just started this blog.
Hi. I am you at 31. I know it's hard to believe but it's true. Just for verification purposes I will tell you something about yourself that no one else knows. You have a small scar on your index knuckle of your left hand from a cheerleading accident in high school. See, it's totally me.
I know you have just gotten the most shocking news of your life and you are more scared than you are excited. But I promise you everything works out perfectly and being mommy to these babies is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to you. I know you are worried about your job, childcare, how you will afford everything they need, transportation, best rest, and even finding a stroller to tote the brood. Your job is fine. You find the most amazing "manny" in the world and you get to sleep with him as one of the perks (p.s. it's Kurt). You just somehow find the money to pay your bills. Your Dad and Elizabeth will give you a minivan. You will only be on strict bed rest for 22 days (not too shabby). Your new friend Ginny will help you get a stroller. See...nothing to worry about!
I won't lie to you and tell you it's been all hearts and flowers. There have been some tough times. The morning sickness for the first 22 weeks is hellacious! Just hang in there...it's not forever. The last 2 months of the pregnancy are pretty tough. It will be hard to sleep and your belly will hurt a lot. Try sleeping on an air mattress. They gave us one in the hospital and it helped so much! Speaking of hospital...try not to complain so much about the month you spend there. Looking back, it was actually pretty nice. I know you are scared the babies will come early and will not be healthy. Rest assured, you carry them 33 weeks and 1 day. All the nurses and doctors call you a "rockstar". The NICU days pass quickly and the babies are very healthy. Oh, and drag Kurt with you to get a damn flu shot! He gets the swine flu the week the babies come home from the hospital right as your "baby blues" set in. This is not fun.
You will grieve your old life. And that's ok. You will not bond with the babies immediately and you will worry you've made a terrible mistake. This is ok. It is completely normal and doesn't last forever. It's just another hurdle you have to jump. Not connecting with your babies right away does not make you a bad person or a bad mother. You just need a little time to adjust and you will be smitten with those little munchkins.
You cannot imagine the joy you will experience during their first 2 years of life. Being there for all their "firsts" is just amazing. Now you have this sweet, caring, funny little girl with long brown hair and blue eyes. She tries to say everything you say. She wants to be picked up all the time. She asks to hold your hand and cuddles with you to watch movies. She is in every way your little "mini me" except for the hair. That is all Kurt. You also have this little chunky monkey man who looks just like his Daddy. He just has the best smile but is as stubborn as they come. He's also very sensitive but likes to play rough and tackle you. Finally, you have your little climber...your little engineer. He will always find a way to get into everything you don't want him to. He is so mischievous but has these big blue eyes and this smile that will keep him out of trouble. He is fascinated with lights and electronics. Go ahead and start saving for his engineering degree.
I wanted to write this letter to calm some of your fears and allow you to relax during the next 6 months of pregnancy. But you won't anyway...I know you. And that's ok. It's all part of this unbelievable journey you're on. Enjoy the ride!
It's too late to apologize
3 weeks ago